Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Hope to see you again.

After many years of struggling to forget my painful past about love, I never thought that I could feel love again, in admiration.

It is so hard to be in this feeling, the kind of nature that hides and hopes that he is also feeling the same way too. All falls in just an admiration for I know that we can't be. He has a girlfriend.

I am admiring someone but I think it is just that. He is so humorous and great. I can feel the goodness of his heart even though others can't see it. But I have seen that he is extraordinarily unique among the others. He got the crowds laugh and brings humor in the class. That part of him I admire the most. But it is all in there. It will be just there. I will just hide this feeling because I know it will go no good for the one I felt love is having a girlfriend. I don't want to steal that moment of them. I am not that type of person.

It all started when I have my Health Education subject and he is my classmate. At first, I never got eyes on him for I know that he is just like passing by. But as moments go on with our class, everytime I saw him, I feel that there is something that I feel for him. It's an admiration, a crush or somewhat love. Then, there I go thinking, "How lucky you are if you are my boyfriend for I am a woman who treasures life and love." That part is just words. There is no actualization of meanings on it. How can I possibly have him where in fact, he has already his girlfriend.

I left myself be in silence. I let myself in prayer that I could surpass this kind of feeling because I am just hurting myself. He is just part of my memories, a part of my life that seems just there but it passes or just goes away. I couldn't steal that moment to be with him because I show barriers of myself for the fact that I don't want to ruin their relationship. This sort of admiration is hiding. I am just happy seeing him happy and okay.

We are actually of the same group. There was a moment that we do our activity and I was the one formulating the concepts, then there he comes as the main attraction of the crowds.

I am so happy in that moment that we both are communicating. But after that and now, we don't see and communicate each other again.

Now that our Health Education class is ending, I hope that I could see him again in the campus. I hope that we could be classmates but I think it is so impossible. And that time, I will surely feel the kind of hurt because I will surely see his girlfriend and him holding hands while passing by.

Only if he knew...Hope to see him again.

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