Thursday, October 18, 2012

Knowing the Truth

This day is like a shocking day for me. My friend told me that I have a goiter. I confirmed it to my other friends and they told me just the same, I have a goiter.

I was in the state of denial because I suspected for having a goiter but I thought that it is just something to do with the problem of my throat that I can't swallow that much and I do experience coughing. I thought what I have felt is not the kind that would lead to a serious goiter problem. Now, I am sad, so sad that I feel like a failure.

I didn't expect this would happen to me. I felt like this is the end of my life. I feel like I need to earn more and work even harder so that I can be able to sustain myself from getting away of this goiter. I don't want to think more on this but I am not able to get away of always thinking of "I have a goiter." I would love to know that my friends are just joking, but I guess they are right. I couldn't stand on this. I hope that I can be able to accept the fact and face this problem. I am now quite in the point of self-denial.

Having known the real thing, the truth really hurts. Now, I am feeling that. Now, I am like without hope. Now, I am like a disease to myself. It is just so sad that this is happening to me. I start questioning, "Does God love me?", "Why He lets me give this?"  Now, I should not suppose to ask that. I am that bad for asking God, where in fact, it is my fault.

I would like to amuse myself of thinking not so deeply about this problem. But I just can't quit from thinking. I feel like I am the most worthless person in this world. My friends told me that goiter is a serious disease that could lead to the bulging and protruding of the eyes. I hope that I will not come to that state. What I am thinking right now is that, I will try my best to find better solution for this.

I have searched through the Internet about goiter, and I have found out that it is not cancerous. I will just have to eat seafood, shell, shrimp and iodized salt in order to heal this. I am positive on my pursuit for total healing. I don't want to have an operating procedure on this but I do really care to find better solution for this. I know I can make it. Indeed, truth really hurts and that is a fact!

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