Friday, June 28, 2013

Remembering my Mother (06-19-04)

Tomorrow is the death anniversary of my mother, Teresa "Bebing" Abucay. My sister and I will go to the cemetery. We will bring flowers and candles.  We will say our prayers to the Lord as well.

I really miss my mother so much. It is not just during her death anniversary that I miss her. My countless missing of her will go on until forever. I even dream of my mother. I remember her everyday and when I feel downs in life, her presence, I longed.

My mother died from a cancer, Myoma (stage 4). It was last June 29, 2004 that she passed away. Her struggle of the disease is horrible. At those times, I can feel her deep pain that she almost tolerates to bear it.

One thing that my mother says before she died that I also will not forget until now is when she says, "The world is so beautiful. I want to live more."

It is so hurtful for me, who at those times is just 22  years old. That was the year that I freshly graduated from college. I will not forget that. My mother was not able to attend my big day because she is resting at home due to the excruciating pain of her abdomen. I am excited at that time that maybe my mother can do it in attending my graduation, but she was not there. And I understand that.

Before she died, there was a snake that accidentally got inside the house. While my mother is slowly doing something in the kitchen, she shouted going out from the place and said to us that she saw a cobra under the sink. Luckily, our neighbors helped my father in killing the snake. On the second day after that, my mother died in the hospital.

At first, it was really painful for me to accept that I can't be able to see mother anymore. On that day after the burial, as I woke up in the morning, I imagined that she is at the kitchen, preparing the meals. I looked at the whole place in our house, reflections of her mirror like she is really personally alive. It took me almost 2 years to really accept that she is gone.

The process of my acceptance of the loss of my mother is not easy. I cried and cried. I always go to the cemetery, talking to her like as if she is really alive. I visit at the cemetery almost everyday. Suddenly tears on my face swiftly runs everytime I remember her, especially at night.

It was really a hard struggle for me. Even until now, when I am really tired about many things, and I want to share them, I am always wishing and hoping that my mother is here. I longed of her. I miss her so deeply.

But in spite of all, I have realized and totally accepted that she is really gone and she is not with us anymore. She is with the Lord in Heaven. I can feel and I know it.

I love my mother so much. That is why, I am doing my best for my sisters and my father. I am doing my best to help our family. I love my mother so much and I miss her everyday.


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Peter said...

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